just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
