is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
