Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
