My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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