so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
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You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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