you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
