It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Terrible idea I love it
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
