I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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