eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
