i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
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I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
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You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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