Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My bed smells like the plague
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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