Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
