I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
