Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Randomize
