I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
and i looked up. we had an audience...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
