Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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