Grow some girl-balls and come out already
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
