Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
