why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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