my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
