i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
it was like having sex with a tree stump
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
