my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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