ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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