Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
