so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
