Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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