Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
