She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I checked into jail on foursquare
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
