I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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