I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
