You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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