how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
