You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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