The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The Olympian is in my bed
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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