Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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