he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
