He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
