When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
