That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
