Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
