I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
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