Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
