So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
