my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
