I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
