did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
