Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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