anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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