so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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