I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You are the jesus of drinking
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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