We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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