u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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