Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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