i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
