I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
