The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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