Can Purell be used as lube?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
