Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
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