I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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