I feel like I'm in dance class right now
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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