Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
