Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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