I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
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Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
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That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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