he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
