Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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