I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
