You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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