You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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