Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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