I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
