well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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