remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
The adults are the big ones right?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
