Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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