She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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