i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
