Fine. I'll sleep in my office
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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