You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
