tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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