im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
