is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
