Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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