Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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