I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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